What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?
A tattoo.
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What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
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What do you call a drummer in a three-piece suit?
The Defendant.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?
Their personalities.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?
Saliva.
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What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
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What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.
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What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?
It saves time in the long run.
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What's the difference between a folk guitar player and a large pizza?
A large pizza can feed a family of four.
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What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.
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What's the latest crime wave in New York City?
Drive-by trombone solos.
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What is the dynamic range of a bass trombone?
On or off.
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Why do clarinetists leave their cases on the dashboard?
So they can park in the handicapped zones.
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What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.
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What's the difference between an opera singer and a pit bull?
Lipstick.
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Why do people play trombone?
Because they can't move their fingers and read music at the same time.
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How does a violist's brain cell die?
Alone.